shiratorijun

Continued from here

Once Jun clambered off the desk, she wrapped herself into a robe. Her usually fluid movements were broken here and there by weakness or uncoordination. She tapped on her pinpoint and attempted to hail him.

Derek hadn't strayed far from his make-shift camp...just far enough in fact to take a cold bath in a nearby sink hole. He heard the quiet beep--out of place in the uncivilized desert, and clambered out, shivering as he made his way to the pile of unused things he'd brought with him. He picked the pinpoint up, opening the channel without looking. "I'm here..." his voice was subdued...much as he had been for the past two days.

"It's me." She swallowed. "It's Jun. I got your letter."

"Jun."

"Me. Yes."

There was a pause, "Okay." He felt an irrational moment of fear, then, "You all right?" It was a stupid question. It was the best he could come up with.

"...Not really. I'm...not sure. Are you mad at me? I'm sorry."

"No...no, I'm not mad at you. Not at all..." a pause, "I...I was the one that was mad...I needed...space...to not be mad any more...or less mad than I was. But not at you. I'm worried about you, but I'm not mad."

"You didn't say why you were going." Her voice was soft.

"I didn't want to say anything until I could make more sense than 'fucking bastard'...I didnt know if I should say anything at all," another pause, "I'm sorry...I didn't know if I should stay or not..."

"Ah. Oh."

"I was...too angry, and I didn't want to hurt you....can I come home?"

"Yes. Home is still...what you want. If you want it."

"Yes. Yes I do, Jun. That never changed.

"Give me a minute..." He bent to get his pants from the pile of cloths, started to pull them on...got frustrated because they caught on his too-wet skin. Finally simply scooped everything into his arms. He hadn't started a fire yet, so he could go. In a moment, he was in the bedroom, still damp, still shivering, cradling his things, and quite naked.

"Hey," his voice seemed unnaturally loud.

"You're wet," She did not get up from her place by the desk. His crumpled letter lay between the desk-top and her palm.

"I was taking a bath," he settled the pile of things on the floor, reached for the pants again to pull them on. They still didn't want to cooperate, but he persisted, "Sorry. Figured it would take too long otherwise."

"Ah. Where'd you go? Far?"

"Just to 713...where Tucson would be. Quiet there."

She shook her head. "You're just naked." She slid away from the desk and went for one of the trunks. "I'll get you a towel."

"All right." he gave up on the pants, started folding his other things instead. He wasn't sure how this would go. But the words had been said. So.

She found a newer one, its threads piled wide and deep. She held it towards him but kept the bed between them.

He took it silently. He noted the bed stood between them as he dried off, then wrapped it around his waist,

"Thank you."

She eyed him critically. She liked looking at him. She began to smile then looked away. "You're welcome."
He nodded. "I missed your smile..." god, no idea what to say. None whatsoever.

"Yes?" The smile brightened. "I..." it faded. "I went to a party last night. Hippolyta's. She asked for you."

"Yeah, I did," he likes this smile--it's unguarded. But it faded quickly. And suddenly, he wished more than anything that there wasn't a bed between him and he was sure he could take her in his arms, "I'm sorry about that. Missing it. Not going with you. I sent her a note earlier today," he cocked his head a little, "Did you have fun?"

"...I don't remember. My mind was on...Ken. This one and...the one that's gone away. I, um...left early. Went around Utoland."

Derek nodded. "Trying to figure it out?" his voice was gentle. No judgement. Just listening

"The firefight and...stuff." She looked up at him. "I can't stop caring about him. I wish I could do it without being disrespectful to you." She closed her mouth, swallowed and shrugged her shoulders. They stayed up, near her ears.

That was it. He was probably about to ruin it all, but that was it. It was his responce to her, his instinct. He made his way around the bed, reached out, took her by the shoulders, "It's all right, Jun," he was still quiet, "I don't want you to stop caring about him. I don't expect you to stop caring about him. That's not what this is about. I'm just worried about you. I'm worried because...you keep getting put in these postions where you have to justify yourself. I don't want you to turn your back on him. I just want to be able to lend you what strength and support I can. It's not disrespectful. It's a little scary for me because *he* keeps pushing...but...that's what's in your heart. If you didn't love as deeply as you did, you wouldn't be you. It's part of what I fell in love with."

She closed her eyes, squeezing back tears. She did not deserve him. No, she certainly did not. "I won't leave you. I won't. He can't make me. He can't."
Derek closed his own eyes. Drew her in, settled his head on the top of hers, his voice a whisper, "It's okay...I know you won't. It's okay. I'm still here. I won't leave you. I believe you. I believe in you."

"Talk..."

Derek nodded, didn't let her go. "Yeah."

She hugged him. She gripped him around the waist. "I don't like it, my husband. People talk like it -- it makes things better." She shook her head. "But you want...okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

His arm stayed steady around her torso, his other wove itself into her hair, "There's nothing to forgive, Jun. Just...I don't want to be shut out. I want us to still be friends...like we were when we first met. When you weren't afraid to say what was on your mind. That's all. I still love you. I just miss that part of you." he sighed internally, "I'm sorry too...I could be more patient...I could show you better that I really do trust you, instead of making it seem like I don't. I'm sorry for that. I am. I do trust you. I don't want to lose you. Any part of you."

"Why don't you understand?" she asked, sitting up and wiping her cheeks with the heel of her palm. She kept a grip of his arm and gestured with her hand. "You are my best friend. If I don't tell you -- I don't tell anybody. Well, except Moonshadow. But...she's not like you. And if there wasn't Moonshadow -- or someone like her -- I wouldn't say it."

"I..." Derek was quiet for a moment, "Maybe..it's something I learned. That when people stop talking to each other...then they drift apart. Or maybe they drift apart, and when it's apart enough...they stop talking. They can still love each other...but it's all..surface. And when that happens, then they can't relate any more. Maybe it's just me...I dunno...it just seems...that we talk less. Share less of the important things than we used to. Especially if they're painful. Maybe it's just me."

"...like what?"

"Like when you cry. Or...more like when you start to and then you don't. It's like...it's okay for you to be happy around me...but...not okay anymore if you're sad. It used to be okay. But now...if you even start...you just shut off. And you won't tell me anything. Not even 'I'm upset'. Why? Did I give you the impression somehow that I didn't care about that? I mean...if something hurt you...shouldn't I be there, even if it's just to be there even if I can't do anything about it?"

"You're always here. I...okay, if I'm upset, I don't like to talk about it. If it's not too bad...I don't talk about it. But..." She sighed. "I don't want to whine."

Derek raised an eyebrow, "After all the times I whined at you, it's not okay for you to whine back? I understand the privacy part...but I don't get where you think that by letting me know you're hurt and upset that it equates to whining...and in a bad way."

"I...read that. In your letter."

"I don't think that it would be whining if you told me these things. You dont have to tell me everything...but it's okay to tell me when you're hurt. I promise you I won't run from it. I didn't when we first met, I sure as hell won't now when you're everything in the world to me."

"Ah..." She frowned. "What if I can't? Or don't?"

"...Then I guess I wait...until you can."