shiratorijun

The following is excerpted from Jun's pen-and-paper journal. Please respect the fourth wall. You may see it. Your character may not.

I've started seeing Moonshadow. I think...I could be more loving and generous towards Derek...that I could be a better sister to Jinpei. That...I want so much to reconcile with that idiot, granite-heart Joe. That...I don't want to mess up with this Ken. That I want to be a good wife.

I think...my husband loves me with all his heart. I think...that my heart is defective. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. I can be so selfish, angry and impetuous. Joe said that I changed...that I became a swan with condor-wings. Is he right? The last time I went hunting with Derek...I relished the chase. It wasn't just business. I wanted to annihilate that master for reminding me of...my defilement. War is terrible. I got used to doing bad things to bad people. I had satisfaction from doing bad things to bad people.

And then there's romance...and sex. I don't know. I barely understand myself anymore. I love my husband but when Ken kissed me, I opened my mouth to him. I love my husband...

I'm confused. Maybe I'm confusing being confused with being unhappy.

I miss dancing with Jinpei. I miss being friends with Joe. I miss...I miss my Ken. I miss my leader.