shiratorijun

Derek is restless. Ken is restless.

I suppose, a better friend would help them with that. Instead, I've been ignoring that concentrating on having my kind of fun while letting them work that out on their own. Now that I think of it, Jinpei was pretty much the same way. Jinpei did not do well in peace- time. Joe understood.

Maybe they need to talk to Joe?

Anyway, I need to talk with my husband. It's not enough for him -- the life he's leading. I'm going to have to get it into my head that him going back to hunting does not equal him breaking his promise to me. Got to be a big girl now.

Jun put down her pen and closed her paper-and-pen journal. She dropped the diary atop the lockbox in the safe beneath her desk. She yawned widely while locking her safe. Then, she locked up the office and picked her way through the darkened hallway and back up the stairs to her apartment.

There was no sign of Kian or Derek in their kitchen or living room. First, she checked on Kian; easing the door open and watching the top of his head while he slept. Her old bedroom was still pink and relatively plush. Then she carefully made her way to the bedroom she shared with Derek. Her new room. She hesitated before opening the door.

Fourth wall rules apply. Jun is writing in her extremely well-hidden diary. Here is where she puts the thoughts and feelings that don't see the light of day.

I rearranged groupings on my im client. Derek's in the family portion now.

Wonder what took me so long.

I want out. I don't want to be a reserve soldier anymore. I want my own family -- children from my body and his. Do I get to have this? I've been very selfish. What cost more selfishness?

The following is excerpted from Jun's pen-and-paper journal. Please respect the fourth wall. You may see it. Your character may not.

I've started seeing Moonshadow. I think...I could be more loving and generous towards Derek...that I could be a better sister to Jinpei. That...I want so much to reconcile with that idiot, granite-heart Joe. That...I don't want to mess up with this Ken. That I want to be a good wife.

I think...my husband loves me with all his heart. I think...that my heart is defective. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. I can be so selfish, angry and impetuous. Joe said that I changed...that I became a swan with condor-wings. Is he right? The last time I went hunting with Derek...I relished the chase. It wasn't just business. I wanted to annihilate that master for reminding me of...my defilement. War is terrible. I got used to doing bad things to bad people. I had satisfaction from doing bad things to bad people.

And then there's romance...and sex. I don't know. I barely understand myself anymore. I love my husband but when Ken kissed me, I opened my mouth to him. I love my husband...

I'm confused. Maybe I'm confusing being confused with being unhappy.

I miss dancing with Jinpei. I miss being friends with Joe. I miss...I miss my Ken. I miss my leader.

The following was written in Jun's personal journal. You can read it, but your character can't. Not even Jinpei should be able to figure out where Jun secrets it. Kian, maybe. But he's special.

It's nice to know that Ken and Joe aren't the only ones of us that can't give the ISO heads trouble.

I went in today to discuss the oncoming invasion. I had information I've gleaned from piggy-backing Cai's signal as well as a couple of astronomical reports that hadn't been collected at ISO intelligence. The backlog of documents to be analyzed is 15 weeks. We were never that slack during the wars!

I've got to wonder what the hell is going on with ISO astronomy. Thank goodness for the Western observatories. When I haven't been watching over Leela...or playing with Derek, I was going through the readings myself. No sign of any entry but mine and the people that travel the mountains to gather the data report business as usual. Still, I managed to put together something that looked like it might be a big asteroid heading this way. Maybe.

Well, the Board of Directors told me that my intelligence was faulty.

I said, "Fine. As you won't be needing team Gatchaman to defend Earth from an alien armada, you won't mind if I go ahead and start a family, then, do you?"

That felt good. I've been the good one for so long. The one who's gender was excused because she did what she was told. (Never mind losing my shoe, getting captured by Katse, compromising my identity, and causing G1 to quit at least once). But it did feel good to throw my gender in their face for once.

Sweaty said, "By the hermaphrodite?" He never uses the right words and I've never corrected him before, but he was talking about Anthony and that's a sore subject with me.

"Don't you mean the 'biological entity infected with alien hemophilia?'" I rejoined. That I shouldn't have done. I was quoting directly from a report that hadn't been cleared for my eyes. It's tricky. I have to make sure they underestimate me but then I have to remind them that I'm smarter than all of them put together. Can't win with those bastards. Truth is, Nambu covered me from a lot of their sexism when he was alive.

Miss Sexual-harassment-won't-make-a-quitter-out-of-me coughed at that point. I think she was hiding a laugh. All of them sitting on that board -- I look at them and see strangers. I see the same breed that refused to believe that after World War Three, a worldwide terrorist organization was developing to unite the world under one evil authority. These men lack vision but they have plenty of purpose.

Honestly, factotums give me stomachaches. Now I've got revenue Utoland on my butt. I know it's about the bikes. Where the hell is Ken? I can't handle these bastards without him. And he still has that badge Miss Sonel gave him.

I'm so lucky to have Anthony and Jinpei. Between both of them, I can't stay too angry for too long.

Still haven't made arrangements for Kian. It would help if I could actually get him and Anthony in the same room.

You can read this. Your character can't.

( Paper and pen journal )

Utter, bullshit. They're just dealing with their own feelings and needs and rivalry.

BASTARDS.

Jun writes in her paper and pen journal:

Went to the lunatic_cafe and didn't go to hell.

Met Oracle/Barbara Gordon Grayson face to face. She's so beautiful. Like Dr. Silvie Pandora. Joe never said!

I met a blue man today. He had a tail. His eyes were completely yellow. He had beautiful bone structure and the baring of a warrior. He was *blue*. With pointed ears. Egobossler was blue. Kurt Wagner appeared far more human than Egobossler or Katse.

Back from showing Mari how to ride at lc_playground. Good thing she's got more mass (and length) than me. The Ducati is bigger than what a beginner should start on but Mari did okay. She's got clutch, break, and gas down. She can stop and start. The Duc didn't get scratched too much either. We configured the floor to go soft when it fell.

Going to Joji's for lunch. Yum. Carbonara udon. I dreamed of carbonara udon! I'm taking a change of clothes. Maybe we'll head out to Miss Sonel's home after that.

Home again.

Working on figuring out why communications were jammed and how. Busy restaffing Nambu's estate. Apparently, Miss Sonel wasn't the only person of unquestionnable loyalty who was murdered on Saturday.

Coral Crescent is secure.

Betty the DJ made me a lot of money while I was away.

Please respect the 4th wall. Your character cannot see this. You probably can.

Somebody took a chance on me thinking I'd be useful...he educated me, he housed me, he clothed me. I did everything he asked and then some to do what he wanted and he still never loved me. Never gave me a name. Never answered when I called him father, or dad, or daddy. He went through all that trouble, and I gave my entire heart and I'm still just Jun.